(The feeling of a bombing)

The air starts to feel more pressure your feel like your being crushed, you try as hard to collect your thoughts together but the keep on slipping out you freeze and then suddenly your mind goes blank and all your thoughts dissappear and all you feel is the pain spread through out your body you have no sense of hearing and no feeling but pain and the sight of death around you bodies of friends since childhood now having an arm or leg missing. Other people blowing out realising how their families will not know how the man died. That’s when you feel a rush of adrenaline giving you the strength to move but before that you collect your thoughts looking around for a good position for cover hoping nothing will happen to you and you family will be able to see you when you get back and that’s what’s gives you the determination for you to carry on.

(coming back after)

After coming back seeing my family I try feel relieved but all I feel is the same calmness I felt through the war all my senses are stronger I’m able to smell the cereal from my son breath that he had for breakfast. From constantly looking through the camera my sight have sharpened and I can see further than I could ever before. I am able to hear the men talking to the families telling them they’ll watch a film together, each time I go to hold my two year old my hands shake thinking that he’s so delicate that if try to hold him I’ll crush him so I leave him to be held by his mother. Each time I see my oldest child I remember the children running while I took pictures of the war. Now each time  my son goes to get my briefcase I’m frightened that he gets curious and looks in it and sees all the pictures and asks about them. I keep them just to remember what I have to go through to make sure my family has food